英语小故事3分钟幽默(英语小故事1一2分钟)

He Won Tommy: How is your little brother, Johnny? Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself.Tommy: That's too bad. How did that happen?Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window, and he won. 他赢了汤姆：约翰尼，你小弟弟好吗？约翰尼：他害病卧床了。他受了伤。汤姆：真糟糕，怎么回事儿？约翰尼：我们做游戏，看谁能把身子探出窗外最远，他赢了。 I Have His Ear in My Pocket Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked, "What happened?""A kid bit me," replied Ivan."Would you recognize him if you saw him again?" asked his mother."I'd know him any where," said Ivan. "I have his ear in my pocket." 他的耳朵在我衣兜里 伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问，“发生了什么事？”“一个男孩咬了我一口，”伊凡说。“再见到他你能认出来吗？”妈妈问。“他走到哪里我都能认出他，”伊凡说。“他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢。” A Good Boy Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?""I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered."You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?""She is the one who sells the candy." 好孩子 小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。“昨天给你的钱干什么了？”“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？”“她是个卖糖果的。” Drunk One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk.""But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!" 醉酒 一天，父亲与小儿子一道回家。这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄，老是有提不完的问题。他向父亲发问道：“爸爸，‘醉’字是什么意思？” “唔，孩子，”父亲回答说，“你瞧那儿站着两个警察。如果我把他们看成了四个，那么我就算醉了。” “可是，爸爸， ”孩子说，“那儿只有一个警察呀！” Hospitality The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guest's plate. The visitor smiled, put the cheese into his mouth and then said: "You must have better eyes than your mother, sonny. Where did you find the cheese?" "In the rat-trap, sir," replied the boy. 好客 由于客人在吃苹果馅饼时，家里没有奶酪了，于是女主人向大家表示歉意。这家的小男孩悄悄地离开了屋子。过了一会儿，他拿着一片奶酪回到房间，把奶酪放在客人的盘子里。 客人微笑着把奶酪放进嘴里说：“孩子，你的眼睛就是比你妈妈的好。你在哪里找到的奶酪？” “在捕鼠夹上，先生。”那小男孩说。 英语小笑话上个星期五我穿了一件 Adidas 的衣服去打球, 一个老美看到就笑我说, "Do youknow what does it mean? It means All Day I Dream About Sex.我整天都在想著性, 缩写正好是 Adidas) " 我正惊讶他怎么反应这么快, 联想力这么丰富时,旁边的一个老美帮我解围, 他说, 有一个很著名的合唱团 Korn, 他们的招牌歌之一就是A.D.I.D.A.S, (All day I dream about sex)所以呢,这个典故可是很多老美都耳熟能详的喔! 下次就换你去取笑老美了. A man goes to church and starts talking to God. He says: "God, what is a million dollars to you?" and God says: "A penny", then the man says: "God, what is a million years to you?" and God says: "a second", then the man says: "God, can I have a penny?" and God says "In a second" 一男子进入教堂和上帝对话.他问:"主啊, 一百万美元对你意味着多少?"上帝回答:"一便士."男子又问:"且话偻蚰昴?"上帝说:"一秒钟."最后男子请求道:"上帝,我能得到一便士吗?"上帝回答:"过一秒钟." 1,Two birls Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which? Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer. Teacher: Please tell us. Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow. 两只鸟 老师： 这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗？ 学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。 老师：请说说看。 学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。 2. The Fish Net "Can you tell me what fish net is made, Ann?" "A lot of little holes tied together with strings." replied the little girl. 鱼网 "你能告诉我鱼网是什么做的吗，安？" 老师发问道。 "把许多小孔用绳子栓在一起就成了鱼网了。" 小女孩回答道。 3. The New Teacher George comes from school on the first of September. "George, how did you like your new teacher?" asked his mother. "I didn\'t like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said that two and four were six too....." 新老师 9月1日， 乔治放学回到家里。 "乔治，你喜欢你们的新老师吗？" 妈妈问。 "妈妈，我不喜欢，因为她说3加3得6, 可后来又说2加4也得6。" 4. A physics Examination Once in a physics examination, Nick finished the first question very soon, while his classmates were thinking it hard. The question was: When it thunders why do we see the lighting first, then hear the thunderrolls? Nick\'s answer: Because our eyes are before ears. 一次物理考试 在一次物理考试时，当同学们都还在苦思冥想时，尼克很快就答好了第一个问题。 这个问题是：为什么在打雷时，我们总是先看到闪电后听到雷声？ 尼克的回答是：因为眼睛在前，耳朵在后。 Jim’s History ExaminationUncle: How did Jim do in his history examination?Mother: Oh, not at all well, but there, it wasn't his fault. They asked himthings that happened before the poor boy was born. 吉姆的历史考试 舅舅：吉姆这孩子历史考得怎么样？母亲：唉，糟透了。可话又说回来，这也不能怪他。嗨，他们尽问一些这个可怜的孩子出生前的事儿。 Magic change 神奇变化 Gaga is a little duck. He is small, dirty and ugly. His friends don’t like to play with him. One day, Gaga walked behind his friends quietly(静悄悄地).But his friends did not want him. Gaga was very sad and ran to the river and cried loudly(大声地)。 Just then, a big beautiful bird heard(听见)him crying and flew down(飞下来，落下来). She said, “Please don’t cry. Tell me, what do you want? I can help you.” Gaga told the truth(真相). The beautiful bird said, “OK, I can help you to become a good-looking duck.” Then she took out a blanket and put it on the duck’s body. She said something which the little duck didn’t understand. Then she took away the blanket. There stood (站立)a good-looking duck. Gaga was very happy. He thanked the big bird and quickly went to play with his friends
Who was the first man？ 谁是世界上第一个男人 A teacher said to her class:”Who was the first man?”一个老师问她的学生：“谁是世界上第一个男人”“George Washington,” a little boy shouted promptly．一个小男孩立刻大声说：“乔治.华盛顿。”“How do you make out that George Washington was the first man？”asked the teacher，smiling indulgently．老师带着宠溺的笑容问这个男生：“你如何证明乔治华盛顿是世界上第一个男人呢。”“Because,” said the little boy, “he was first in war, first in peace, and first in the hearts of his countrymen.”这个男孩子说：“因为，他是第一个挑起战争，第一个主张和平，并且是第一个深得民心的人。”But at this point a larger boy held up his hand. “Well,” said the teacher to him, “who do you think was the first man?”这时，有一个年龄稍大的男孩子举起手来，老师问他，“你认为谁是世界第一个男人？”“I don’t know what his name was, ” said the larger boy, “but I know it wasn’t George Washington, ma’am, because the history book says George Washington married a widow, so, of course, there must have been a man ahead of him.” 男孩回答说：“我不知道他的名字，但是我肯定他不是乔治华盛顿，因为历史书上说，乔治华盛顿和一个寡妇结婚了，所以在他之前，当然还有一个男的啦。”
THE LION AND THE MOUSE Lion was awakened from sleep by a Mouse running over his face. Rising up in anger, he caught him and was about to kill him, when the Mouse piteously entreated, saying： “If you would only spare my life, I would be sure to repay your kindness.” The Lion laughed and let him go. It happened shortly after this that the Lion was caught by some hunters, who bound him by strong ropes to the ground. The Mouse, recognizing his roar, came up, and gnawed the rope with his teeth, and setting him free, exclaimed： “You ridiculed the idea of my ever being able to help you, not expecting to receive from me any repayment of your favour； but now you know that it is possible for even a Mouse to confer benefits on a Lion.”1．狮和鼠一只老鼠从一只狮子面前跑过去，将它从梦中吵醒。 狮子生气地跳起来，捉住老鼠，要弄死它。老鼠哀求说：「只要你肯饶恕我这条小生命，我将来一定会报答你的大恩。」狮子便笑着放了它。 后来狮子被几个猎人捉住，用粗绳捆绑倒在地上。老鼠听出是狮子的吼声，走来用牙齿咬断绳索，释放了它，并大声说：「你当时嘲笑我想帮你的忙，而且也不指望我有什么机会 报答。但是你现在知道了，就算是小老鼠，也能向狮子效劳的。」
龟兔赛跑： It is the day of a big race.All the animals in the forestare watching the race,look at the two runners,Mr rabbit and Mr Turtle.Mr Rabbit says,"In the forest,no one is faster than me." When the race begins,Mr Rabbit runs faster.In a minute Mr Rabbit can't see Mr Turtle,so he stops and have a rest.Mr Turtle runs slowly,But he doesn't stop.When Mr rabbit is sleeping,Mr Turtle runs by. When Mr Rabbit wakes up,Mr Turtle is touching the finishing line.Mr Rabbit loses the race,and Mr Turtlewins the race. 今天是盛大的比赛日，小动物们都聚集在森林观看比赛，接下来要上场的是兔子和乌龟，兔子口出狂言声称林里没人比他跑得快。 比赛开始了，兔子跑得非常快，很快就把乌龟甩在身后了，过了一会儿，兔子看不见乌龟了，就停下来睡了一觉。乌龟跑的非常慢，但他一刻也不停。当乌龟爬过兔子身边时，他还在睡觉呢！ 兔子醒来的时候，乌龟已经抵达终点了，兔子输掉了比赛，乌龟赢得了冠军！ 出自 公众号：英语故事课堂来源
A Nail Or A Fly? An old gentleman whose eyesight was failing came to stay in a hotel room with a bottle of wine in each hand. On the wall there was a fly which he took for a nail. So the moment he hung them on, the bottles fell broken and the wine spilt all over the floor. When a waitress discovered what had happened, she showed deep sympathy for him and decided to do him a favour. So the next morning when he was out taking a walk in the roof garden, she hammered a nail exactly where the fly had stayed. Now the old man entered his room. The smell of the spilt wine reminded him of the accident. When he looked up at the wall, he found the fly was there again! He walked to it carefully adn slapped it with all his strength. On hearing a loud cry, the kind-hearted waitress rushed in. To her great surprise, the poor old man was there sitting on the floor, his teeth clenched and his right hand bleeding! 钉子还是苍蝇？ 一位视力正在衰退的老绅士住进了一家旅馆的客房。他双手各拿一瓶酒。在墙上有只苍蝇，他误以为是枚钉子。他把两只瓶子朝上一挂，瓶子掉下来摔碎了，酒洒了一地。一个女服务员发现发生的事情以后，对他深表同情，决定帮他个忙。 于是，第二天早上他到楼顶花园散步时，她把一枚钉子钉在了苍蝇停过的地方。 这里，老人回到了房里。倒洒的酒味让他想起了那件事。他抬头往墙上一看，苍蝇又停在了那儿!他轻手轻脚地走近，使尽全力拍了一掌。听到一声大叫，好心的女服务员冲进房来。让她大为吃惊的是，可怜的老头正坐在地板上，牙关紧咬，右手滴血不止。

若是你在学习英语的过程中感到很枯燥，不妨来读一些英语幽默小故事放松放松。英语幽默故事简短，内容诙谐幽默，情节生动有趣，相信在你在阅读的同时也可以一起学习英语哦。这次我给大家整理了英语幽默小故事，供大家阅读参考。 更多故事相关内容推荐↓↓↓ 名人实现梦想的故事 简短励志的小故事 感动人心的故事 三分钟成语故事演讲 名人读书的故事 英语幽默小故事1 My husband，Michael，a bus driver，was passing a deserted bus stop when one ofhis passengers called out that a woman wanted to get on. He pulled up to thecurb and opened the doors. 我丈夫，麦克是个开大巴士的。一次当他刚要开过一个无人上下车的车站时，一位乘客喊过有位老妇人要上车。麦克把车停靠在马路边，打开了车门。 After a minute，Michael saw an elderly woman with a cane crossing the streetslowly. 过了足有一分钟，麦克才见到一位老太太拄着拐杖，慢腾腾地过着马路朝车子走来。 He waited patiently as she made her way to the bus and climbed the steps. 麦克衬心地等她来到汽车旁上着台阶。While she was looking in her purse for her bus pass，he beganto close the doors.”Wait a minute!”she snapped."My mother's coming.” 趁老太太打开钱包找月票的工夫，麦克欲关门，老妇人阻止道:“等一会，我妈妈还在后面呢!” 英语幽默小故事2 Bernie was invited to his friend's home for dinner. Morris, the host,preceded every request to his wife by endearing terms, calling her Honey, MyLove, Darling, Sweetheart, etc. Bernie looked at Morris and remarked, "That isreally nice, that after all these years that you have been married, and you keepcalling your wife those pet names." Morris hung his head and whispered," To tellthe truth, I forgot her name three years ago." Bernie应邀来到他的朋友Morris家吃晚餐。在朋友家，Bernie发现，不管问他老婆什么问题，Morris总要在每句话的前面加上一些亲密的称呼，象蜜糖，我的爱人，亲爱的，甜心等等。Bernie对Morris说，“你们夫妻俩真够亲密的，结婚这么多年了，你还叫她叫得那么亲密。”Morris低下头，小声地对Bernie说，“老实跟你说吧，三年前我忘记老婆的真名是什么了。” 英语幽默小故事3 Two guys were walking through the jungle. All of a sudden, a tiger appearsfrom a distance, running towards them. One of the guys takes out a pair of"Nikes" from his bag and starts to put them on. The other guy with a surprisedlook and exclaims, "Do you think you will run faster than the tiger with those?"His friend replies: "I don't have to out run it, I just have to run faster thanyou." 两个男人正在穿过丛林，突然，一只老虎出现在远处，向他们冲来。其中的一个人从包里拿出一双“耐克”鞋，开始穿上。另一个人惊奇地看着他说，“你以为穿上这个就可以跑得过老虎吗?”他的朋友回答道：“我不用跑得过它，我只要跑得比你快就行了。” 英语幽默小故事4 A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, andasked her what their names were. 一个女孩去拜访她的金发朋友，这个朋友最近养了两只“狗”，于是女孩问道：“它们叫什么名字呀?” The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was namedTimex. 金发朋友说，一只叫Rolex，另一只叫Timex。 Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that? 女孩说：“哪有狗狗叫这个名字的。” "HELLLOOOOOOO..." answered the blonde. "They're watch dogs!" “那个……”金发朋友说。“他们是监视器!” 英语幽默小故事5 Too Much Pressure For a couple years I’ve been blaming it on lack of sleep and too muchpressure from my job，but now I found out the real reason：I’m tired because I’moverworked.The population of this country is 237 million.104 million areretired.That leaves 133 million to do the work.There are 85 million inschool，which leaves 48 million to do the work.Of this there are 29 millionemployed by the federal government，leaving 19 million to do the work.2.8 millionare in the Armed Forces，which leaves 16.2 million to do the work.Take from thetotal the 14.8 million people who work for State and City Governments and thatleaves 1.4 million to do the work.At any given time there are 188，000 people inhospitals，leaving 1，212，000 to do the work.Now，there are 1，211，998 people inprisons.That leaves just two people to do the work.You and me.And you’re sittingat the table reading jokes. 压力太大 多年以来我一直感到很疲惫，我曾经把原因归咎为缺乏睡眠以及来自于工作上的巨大压力。但是，我现在找到了真正的原因：我感到疲倦是因为我超负荷工作。我们这个国家有2.37亿人口。其中1.04亿已经退休了。还剩下1.33亿在工作。有8，500万人还在上学，工作的就剩下4，800万。这其中还有2，900万联邦政府雇员，真正做事的就剩1，900万人，又有280万人在服兵役，就剩下1，620万人在工作。从中再去掉各州和市政府的雇员1，480万人，还剩下140万人工作。但又有18.8万人生病住院，现在只剩下121.2万人工作。其中1，211，998人在坐牢。这样仅剩下两个人在工作，就是你和我。而你却坐在桌边看笑话。 英语幽默小故事6 Top 9 Reasons to Study Economics Economists are armed and dangerous: "Watch out for our invisible hands." Economists can supply it on demand . You can talk about money without ever having to make any. You get to say "trickle down" with a straight face . Mick Jagger and Arnold Schwarzenegger both studied economics and look howthey turned out . When you are in the unemployment line, at least you will know why you arethere. If you rearrange the letters in "ECONOMICS", you get "COMIC NOSE". Although ethics teaches that virtue is its own reward , in economics we gettaught that reward is its own virtue. When you get drunk, you can tell everyone that you are just researching thelaw of diminishing marginal utility. 学习经济学的九大理由 经济学家们会武功：“小心我们的无影手。” 经济学家们能够做到有求必应。 你可以不必挣钱而对金钱夸夸其谈。 你可以开始拉着脸说“涓滴”这一术语了。 米克·贾格尔和阿诺德·施瓦辛格两人都学过经济学，看看他们后来都成为了什么样的人物。 站在失业队伍里的时候，至少你会知道自己为什么失业。 假如重新安排“经济学”这个词包含的字母，你得到的是“小丑的鼻子”。 伦理学教导我们坚守德行本身即是回报，在经济学中我们得到的教导则是获得回报本身即是德行。 喝醉了的时候，你可以告诉所有人你只是在体验边际效用递减规律而已。 英语幽默小故事7 Nobel Prize in Economics Economics is the only field in which two people can get a Nobel Prize forsaying exactly the opposite thing. Or Economics is the only field in which two people can share a Nobel Prizefor saying opposing things. Specifically, Myrdal and Hayek shared one. (A rumor has it that there was a similar case in neuroscience, Golgi andCajal, maybe economists are not so different!) 诺贝尔经济学奖 两个持完全不同观点的人都能够获得诺贝尔奖，这种情况只有在经济学领域才会发生。 或者两个持完全不同观点的人能够分享诺贝尔奖，这种情况也只有在经济学领域才会发生。具体而言，缪尔达尔和哈耶克就是如此。 (有传言称在神经科学领域也有类似情形，比如戈尔吉和卡哈尔，所以经济学家也许并非那么另类。) 英语幽默小故事相关文章： ★英语幽默小故事合集7篇 ★英语幽默小故事合集5篇 ★幽默英语小故事16篇笑死人的 ★简短的英语幽默小故事 ★幽默英语小故事 ★英语故事带故事大全(带翻译) ★英语趣味幽默小故事 ★英语幽默故事小短文 ★幽默小故事英语 ★英语小笑话小故事短篇 var _hmt = _hmt || []; (function() { var hm = document.createElement("script"); hm.src = "https://hm.baidu.com/hm.js?8a6b92a28ca051cd1a9f6beca8dce12e"; var s = document.getElementsByTagName("script")[0];s.parentNode.insertBefore(hm, s); })();

通过调查发现,小学生对英语故事有浓厚的兴趣,老师对故事教学的作用也很肯定。我整理了3分钟简单的英语小故事，欢迎阅读! 3分钟简单的英语小故事篇一 Painstaking painter was hired to paint a wall of the palace .A panel would judge his painting a week later. Before work, the painter had collected many pamphlets about the palace.He noticed that the palace’s ceiling had a carved panel. He drew a draft on a pad then began his formal work. His assistant followed him ,carrying a paint pail and a pan. The painter worked so fast that his assistant hardly kept pace with him. Soon, there were three paintings on the wall.One was a merry girl paddled her boat on the Pacific ocean. Another was a person jumped with a parachute .The last one was a giant panda lying under a palm tree. The painter was satisfied with them. He packed his package and took out a packet of cnt looked pale because of panic. The painter was unhappy, I take pains to paint them. Why are you sad? You make my heart painful .” Thus , the assistant panted out the reason. The king once was bite by a panda on the palm 一个苦干的画家被雇佣去描绘宫殿的一面墙。一个专门小组一周后会评判他的绘画。 工作之前，画家已经收集了许多关于宫殿的小册子。他注意到宫殿的天花板是带有雕刻的面板。他在便笺簿上画了草图，然后就开始正式工作了。他的手提着一个颜料提桶和一个盘子跟在他后面。 画家工作得如此之快，他的助手都差点不能跟上。很快，墙上出现了三幅绘画。一幅是一个欢快的女孩在太平洋上用桨划船。另一幅是一个人跳伞。最后一幅是一只巨大的熊猫躺在一棵棕榈树下，。画家对他们很满意，他捆扎包裹并掏出一盒烟来。但他的助手却因为恐慌而看起来很苍白。 画家很不高兴：“我煞费苦心来画它们。你怎么如此沮丧?你让我的心都疼痛了。”因而助手气喘吁吁地说出了原因。 原来国王曾经被一只熊猫咬到过手掌 。 3分钟简单的英语小故事篇二 A farmer can’t read or write. One day he asks a man to write a letter for him. He wants to post the letter to his uncle. “I can’t write you letter,” says the man, “Because I have a bad leg.” “Sir,” says the farmer, “I know, but I can’t see what a bad leg has to do with writing a letter.” “It has much to do with it,” says the man, “because I can’t walk so far and read the letter to you uncle.” “What do you mean, sir?” says the farmer. “His son can read it to him. Why do you need to read if for him?” “Don’t you understand,” answers the man, “that only I can read what I write?” 3分钟简单的英语小故事篇三 I Owe You for a Float Mr Smith worked in a post office and three years ago ,when he was sixty ,he retired .Now he and his wife stay at home and his children work in another city .The old woman does all housework and he has nothing to do at home .He likes neither reading nor watching games .At first he didn’t know how to spend the spare time .Mr Hunt who was two years older than him asked him to go fishing with him . “It’s a good sport ,”said Mr Hunt .“I’m sure you will soon be interested in it .” “But I can’t fish at all ,you know .” “That’s easy .Go fishing with me tomorrow morning and I’ll teach you .” Mr Smith decided to try his luck .The following day the two old friends came to a river and began to fish .Suddenly Mr Smith said ,“How much do those little red things cost ?” “You mean the floats ?Oh ,they are cheap .What made you ask me such a question ?” “I owe you one .Mine has just sunk .”

The Policeman and the Thief Once, a new policeman caught a thief in a small town, and decided to bring him back to the police station in the city. On their way they came to a shop where bread was sold. “ We have no food, and we must be hungry after a while. Let me go into the shop and buy some bread for us. Wait here for me.” The thief said.The policeman agreed with him and waited in the street for a long time , but thief didn’t come out of the shop. The policeman began to be worried ,and ran into the shop, he couldn’t see the thief but the back door of the shop.The policeman had to go back to the police station alone, and he was very unhappy.Luckily, the policeman caught the thief at the same place the next day. When.they walked though the same street and the same shop, “ Wait here,” said the policeman “ Last time you ran away from the shop. This time , I’ll go into the shop and buy the bread , and you must wait here for me.” 警察与小偷一次， 一个新上任的警察在小镇上抓住了一个小偷，他决定把这小偷押送到城里警察局去。在路上，他们路过了一家面包店。“我们没带吃的，呆会儿肯定会饿的，让我去给咱们买点面包。你在这等等我啊。”小偷说道。警察同意了，并在街上等了很长一段时间，但是，小偷一直没有从商店出来。警察开始担心了，他跑进商店，除了一扇开着的后门，他什么也没看见。警察不得不很郁闷的独自回到了警察局。幸运的是第二天，他在同一地方又抓住了那小偷。当他们路过同一条街，同一家商店时，“在这等着我，”警察说道，“上次，你从这家商店溜了，这次，我去买面包，你必须在这等我！” 附赠http://tieba.baidu.com/f?kz=157224760 还有很多个
Who is Stupid? A teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you''re stupid, stand up!" Little Johnny then stood up. The teacher said, "Do you think you''re stupid, Johnny?" "No, ma''am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!" 谁愚蠢 一个老师在对学生们讲心理学，“谁认为自己蠢就站起来？”她一开始就说。 小约翰尼站了起来。 “你认为你很蠢吗，小约翰尼？”老师问。 “不是的，老师，我只是不喜欢看你一个人站着。” gsgongwm 2008-12-22 11:24:10A father said to his sons: "Tomorrow your mother is going to bake a pie. Who is going to eat it?"The oldest son replied: "Father, I'll eat it all!" The father then said: "Tomorrow I'm going to butcher a pig. Who is going to eat it?" The same son answered: "Father,I'll eat it all!" The father added: "Tomorrow, we are going to plough the field. Who is going to plough?" The oldest son answered again: "It's always me, always me. Now it's someone else's turn to volunteer!" 总是我 一位父亲对他的儿子们说：“你们的妈妈明天要烙一张馅饼，谁要吃呢？” 大儿子说：“爸爸，我要把它都吃了。” 父亲接着说：“明天我要杀一口猪，谁要吃呢？” 又是大儿子说：“爸爸，我要把它都吃了。” 父亲又说：“明天我们要耕地，谁想耕地呢？” 大儿子再次回答道：“总是我，总是我，这次还是让其他人来做吧。” 2Dentist: I'm sorry, madam, but I'll have to charge you twenty-five dollars for pulling your son's tooth.Mother: Twenty-five dollars! But I thought you only charged five dollars for an extraction. Dentist: I usually do. But your son yelled so loud, he scared four other patients out of the office. 昂贵的代价 牙科医生：对不起，夫人，为给您的儿子拔牙，我得收二十五美元。 母亲：二十五美元！可是我知道您拔一颗牙只要五美元呀？ 牙科医生：是的。但是您儿子这么大声地叫唤，他都吓跑四位病人了。 3A child on Christmas time asked for some paper and crayons in order to draw a crib. Eventually the artistic masterpiece was displayed for parental approval. The manager, the shepherds, Jesus and Holy Family wore duly admired. "But what/'s that in the corner?" asked Mother. "Oh, that/'s their telly," replied the tot. 耶稣的电视机 圣诞节时孩子要了纸和蜡笔，想画一张耶稣诞生像。最后这件艺术品被陈列出来供父母鉴赏。 他们对耶稣诞生后睡的马槽，牧羊人，耶稣及其家庭都逐一表示赞赏。 “可是那个角落里是什么？”妈妈问。 “噢，那是他们的电视机，”孩子回答说。 4调查员:What is your father's name？ 小弟:Happy！！ 调查员:What is your mother's name？ 小弟:Smile！ 调查员:Are you joking？ 小弟:No！！That's my sister！！ I am Kidding！！ 5业余工作 When my son was a hign-school sophomore, he got a part-time job sacking groceries at a supermarket. He came home all smiles. "How was your first day?" I asked. "It was great, Dad," he replied. "I got to talk to some good-looking girls." Since Stephen is not very talkative, I asked, "What did you say to them?" "Do you prefer paper or plastic?" 。 钥匙还是接吻 A friend of mine was giving an English lesson to a class of adult who had recently come to live in the United States. After placing quite a number of everyday objects on a table, he asked various members of the class to give him the ruler, the book, the pen and so on. The class went very smoothly and the students seemed interested and serious about the work that they were engaged in until when my friend turned to an Italian student and said, "Give me the keys." The man looked surprised and somewhat at a loss. Seeing this, my friend thought that the student hadn't heard him clearly, so he repeated. "Give me the keys." The Italian shrugged his shoulders. Then, he threw his arms around the teacher's neck and kissed him on both cheeks.。
Drunk One day, a father and his little son were going home. At this age, the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now, he asked, "What's the meaning of the word 'Drunk', dad?" "Well, my son," his father replied, "look, there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk.""But, dad," the boy said, " there's only ONE policeman!" 醉酒 一天，父亲与小儿子一道回家。这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄，老是有提不完的问题。他向父亲发问道：“爸爸，‘醉’字是什么意思？” “唔，孩子，”父亲回答说，“你瞧那儿站着两个警察。如果我把他们看成了四个，那么我就算醉了。” “可是，爸爸， ”孩子说，“那儿只有一个警察呀！”
The Policeman and the Thief Once, a new policeman caught a thief in a small town, and decided to bring him back to the police station in the city. On their way they came to a shop where bread was sold. “ We have no food, and we must be hungry after a while. Let me go into the shop and buy some bread for us. Wait here for me.” The thief said.
http://v.youku.com/v_show/id_XNzk1OTA1Mjg=.html 笑的你肚子痛

鏃犺�哄湪瀛︿範杩樻槸宸ヤ綔涓�锛屾垜浠�閮戒細鎺ヨЕ鎴栫敤鍒板悇绫昏嫳璇�婕旇�诧紝灏忓埌璇惧爞浣滀笟鍜屽伐浣滄眹鎶ワ紝澶у埌琚�瀹忔梺浼氳��鍙戣█鍜岃亴浣嶇珵閫夈�傞偅涔堝�備綍鎵嶈兘鎵撻�犱竴绡囩簿褰╃殑鑻辫��婕旇�茬�垮憿锛熶笅闈㈡垜鏁寸悊浜�3鍒嗛挓鑻辫��婕旇�插皬鏁呬簨锛屼緵浣犲弬鑰冦�� 3鍒嗛挓鑻辫��灏忔晠浜嬶紙涓�锛� a country maid was walking along with a can of milk upon her head,when she fell into the following train of reflections."the money for which i shall sell this milk will enable me to increase my stock of eggs to three hundred,these eggs,allowing for what may prove addle,and what may be destroyed by vermin,will produce at least two hundred and fifty chickens.the chickens will be fit to carry to market just at the time when poultry is always dear;so that by the new year i cannot fail of having money enough to purchase a new gown.green-let me consider-yes,green becomes my complexion best .and green it shall be, in this dress i will go to the fair,where all young fellows will strive to have me for a parter;but no-i shall refuse every one of them,and with a disdainful toss turn from them." transported with this idea,she could not forbear acting with her head the thought that passed in her mind,when down came the can of milk!and all her imaginary happiness vanished in a moment. 涓�涓�鏉戝�戝ご涓婇《鐫�涓�缃愮墰濂跺湪璺�涓婅�岃蛋銆傝蛋鐫�璧扮潃锛屽ス鐨勮剳瀛愰噷娴�鐜板嚭涓�杩炰覆鐨勫够鎯筹細鈥滄垜鍗栦簡杩欑綈鐗涘ザ鍚庯紝鐢ㄨ繖绗旈挶涔伴浮铔嬶紝杩欐牱鎴戞湁鐨勯浮铔嬪彲浠ュ�炲姞鍒�300涓�銆傜敤杩�300涓�楦¤泲瀛靛皬楦★紝杩欏氨绠楁湁鍧忕殑銆佺敓铏�鐨勶紝鑷冲皯涔熻兘瀛靛嚭250鍙�灏忛浮銆傜瓑灏忛浮闀垮ぇ鍚庯紝姝ｅソ鑳借刀涓婂崠涓�濂藉競浠�;閭ｄ箞鍒颁簡鏂板勾锛屾垜灏辫兘鏈夐挶涔颁竴浠舵柊鏅氳�呫�備拱涓�浠剁豢鑹茬殑鈥斺�旇�╂垜濂藉ソ鎯虫兂鈥斺�斿�癸紝缁胯壊涓庢垜鐨勮偆鑹叉渶鐩歌‖銆傛垜绌夸笂杩欎欢琛ｆ湇鍘昏刀闆嗭紝鎵�鏈夌殑骞磋交灏忎紮缁濈儌瀛愰兘浼氭姠鐫�閭�璇锋垜鍋氳垶浼�;浣嗘槸涓嶈�屸�斺�旀垜瑕佽交钄戝湴鎶婂ご涓�鎵�锛岃浆韬�杩囧幓涓嶇悊浠栦滑锛岃�╀粬浠�浜轰汉閮界�颁釜閽夊瓙銆� 濂规兂寰楀緱鎰忓繕褰�锛屾儏涓嶈嚜绂佸湴鎶婂ご涓�鎵�锛屽埞閭ｉ棿锛岀墰濂剁綈璺屼簡涓嬫潵!濂瑰够鎯崇殑鎷嶆�′竴鍒囧垢绂忛棿鐮寸伃浜嗐�� 3鍒嗛挓鑻辫��灏忔晠浜嬶紙浜岋級 The Raven and the Swan涔岄甫鍜屽ぉ楣�A RAVEN saw a Swan and desired to secure for himself the same beautiful plumage. Supposing that the Swan's splendid white color arose from his washing in the water in which he swam, the Raven left the altars in the neighborhood where he picked up his living, and took up residence in the lakes and pools. But cleansing his feathers as often as he would, he could not change their color, while through want of food he perished.Change of habit cannot alter Nature.涔岄甫闈炲父缇℃厱澶╅箙娲佺櫧鐨勭窘姣涖�備粬鐚滄兂澶╅箙涓�瀹氭槸缁忓父娲楁尽锛岀窘姣涙墠鍙樺緱濡傛�ゆ磥鐧芥棤 鐟曘�備簬鏄�锛屼粬姣呯劧绂诲紑浜嗕粬璧栦互鐢熷瓨鐨勭キ鍧涳紝鏉ュ埌姹熸箹杈广�備粬澶╁ぉ娲楀埛鑷�宸辩殑缇芥瘺锛屼笉浣嗕竴 鐐归兘娌℃礂鐧斤紝鍙嶈�屽洜缂哄皯椋熺墿楗ラタ鑰屾�汇��杩欐晠浜嬫槸璇达紝浜虹殑鏈�鎬т笉浼氶殢鐫�鐢熸椿鏂瑰紡鐨勬敼鍙樿�屾敼鍙樸�� 3鍒嗛挓鑻辫��灏忔晠浜嬶紙涓夛級 The Miser瀹堣储濂�A MISER sold all that he had and bought a lump of gold, which he buried in a hole in the ground by the side of an old wall and went to look at daily. One of his workmen observed his frequent visits to the spot and decided to watch his movements. He soon discovered the secret of the hidden treasure, and digging down, came to the lump of gold, and stole it. The Miser, on his next visit, found the hole empty and began to tear his hair and to make loud lamentations. A neighbor, seeing him overcome with grief and learning the cause, said, "Pray do not grieve so; but go and take a stone, and place it in the hole, and fancy that the gold is still lying there. It will do you quite the same service; for when the gold was there, you had it not, as you did not make the slightest use of it."鏈変釜瀹堣储濂村彉鍗栦簡浠栨墍鏈夌殑瀹朵骇锛屾崲鍥炰簡閲戝潡锛屽苟绉樺瘑鍦板煁鍦ㄤ竴涓�鍦版柟銆備粬姣忓ぉ璧板幓鐪� 鐪嬩粬鐨勫疂钘忋�傛湁涓�鍦ㄩ檮杩戞斁缇婄殑鐗т汉鐣欏績瑙傚療锛岀煡閬撲簡鐪熸儏锛岃秮浠栬蛋鍚庯紝鎸栧嚭閲戝潡鎷胯蛋浜嗐�� 瀹堣储濂村啀鏉ユ椂锛屽彂鐜版礊涓�鐨勯噾鍧楁病鏈変簡锛屼究鎹惰兏鐥涘摥銆傛湁涓�浜鸿�佷粬濡傛�ゆ偛鐥涳紝闂�鏄庡師鍥犲悗锛� 璇撮亾锛氣�滃杺锛屾湅鍙嬶紝鍒�鍐嶉毦杩囦簡锛岄偅鍧楅噾瀛愯櫧鏄�浣犱拱鏉ョ殑锛屼絾骞朵笉鏄�浣犵湡姝ｆ嫢鏈夌殑銆傚幓鎷夸竴 鍧楃煶澶存潵锛屼唬鏇块噾鍧楁斁鍦ㄦ礊閲岋紝鍙�瑕佷綘蹇冮噷鎯崇潃閭ｆ槸鍧楅噾瀛愶紝浣犲氨浼氬緢楂樺叴銆傝繖鏍蜂笌浣犳嫢鏈� 鐪熸�ｇ殑閲戝潡鏁堟灉娌′粈涔堜笉鍚屻�備緷鎴戜箣瑙侊紝浣犳嫢鏈夐偅閲戝潡鏃讹紝涔熶粠娌＄敤杩囥�傗��